Back from Orlando

So I’m back from Orlando and trying to make it through the day. I stayed through the weekend with a friend. Visited the Kennedy Space Center on Friday. It is really incredible to see the Saturn V. It is an absolute monster. I also went Wet n’ Wild on Saturday. I was in line waiting for the only slide I really wanted to ride, Storm. Clouds were moving into the area and it looked like some nasty weather might shutdown the rides. I was probably tenth in line when a “land whale” was next to down the slide. Upon seeing the size of the tube she was about to grease down, she got nervous. She would look down, then prepare to slide, then get up and look down again. This proceeded for a few minutes before the natives got restless and I and my fellow parks goers began to heckle the Speedo covered donut. This caused her to swing her entire girth around and in a split second. She was fast on the draw with two middle fingers for the surrounding adults and children. This just ended up egging us on even more. Finally, her other plus size friend showed her up by sliding down and fitting into the slide. This lit a forest fire under her arse that disintegrated any fear of the aquatic monster. She ripped down as if someone threw a Krispy Kreme into the mouth of the tunnel. I was wholly expecting to see Oompa Loompas wheeling a Chevy Big-Block V8 powered Shop-Vac to the bottom to remove the congealed bacon grease that someone had poured down the waterslide. With the fiasco ending, the line began to move again. Finally I reached the on-deck circle and was greeted with a megaphone in the face. From it came the words, “Due to lightning in the area, this ride is close.” I will never forget the vulgarities I heard come forth from those little kids. The vileness of the words were only out weighed by their justfulness. I saw the prize ripped out of my hands.